I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
