Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
