You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
