u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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