The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
