i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
