Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
