so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
