i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
