his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
