WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
