I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Come share oat with me in your robe
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
