so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
