READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
