so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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