That's when you crack a 10am beer
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
