This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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