who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize