I want to walk on stilts...naked
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
