Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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