forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
