you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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