He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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