He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
