you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
