i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
