The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
