Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
