Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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