I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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