Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
