gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just high enough for therapy.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
