Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
