My friends, they love my intelligence
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
