I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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