I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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