It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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