i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
