There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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