omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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