she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
