I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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