I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
