we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize