I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
