Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
