chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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