She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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