no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
