Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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