Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
