im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
