dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
