piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Can i not drive my cunt home
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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