Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
