I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize