I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
