i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
