How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
