9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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