Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
