one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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