At least make sure they are 18
Why
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
try to milk me bitch
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