A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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