I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
