After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
