final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
