Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
someone owes me an orgasm
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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