also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
