Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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