he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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