I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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