ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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