Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
