I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
