After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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