So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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