why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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