Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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