Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
