I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
