Three words: puerto rican gang bang
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
