Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
