My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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