this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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