my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I love black thongs
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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