I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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