Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
