a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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