i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize