how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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