I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
