Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
