She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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