I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
