Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I believe in your delicious
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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